My DH and I are walking around like zombies, trying to do all the things that need to be done, but we are both aching and sometimes when we are alone we look at each other and just start crying and saying "I can't believe he did this" to each other. My husband is taking this really hard, I worry about him. What we are going through is called heartache for a good reason. It really hurts our hearts.
Today was the younger of the 2 granddaughters' birthday party and the paternal grandparents were here. I talked to Bill's mom a lot about random things and kept thinking how can she deal with this? She seems the same as she always is. And our daughter is not grieving and that confuses and disturbs us. Is she still in shock? She will see a therapist this week and I wonder if she will fall apart then. I am afraid for when she falls apart, and yet I know she needs to grieve in order to move on with her life. I know everyone grieves differently, but my husband and I don't think her behavior is normal. Still, she did find him, and has undergone an extreme shock. Is the shock protecting her from her new reality?
I got the girls' Christmas gifts wrapped and under the tree tonight. I want them to wonder and dream about those pretty packages and not think about the great loss that has just occurred in their lives.
Not yet, anyway.
3 comments:
I wonder if your daughter is angry and is trying not to let it show. When my dear brother took his own life I was exceptionally angry for a while. It's very natural. I'm so happy your daughter will see a therapist. Do you think you, your husband and the girls would benefit also?
In any case, you are in my prayers. I understand the horror suicide can bring.
love,
melly
I am positive she is angry, but she really isn't even showing that. She has calmly expressed her anger to me, though. We are all angry. This was just so senseless, it is hard not to be mad.
Yes, I think we will all be seeing someone to talk this out. The girls have already started with an art therapist who deals with children and grief.
Thank you Melly for the prayers and understanding. I've talked to so many people who have gone through this that it just boggles the mind.
xoxo
still thinking and praying for you Dear Mary. I hope your heart heals soon.
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