Today was better. I was busy every minute. We went shopping with friends for the better part of the day, then rushed home so DH and the other guy could go to work and I could meet S and go eat with her and the girls before their Christmas program at school. They looked so pretty in their new velvet and satin dresses. On the way there, Gabby said "I have a surprise for you at the program, Mom!" and Bahley said "She's reading a poem!" and then it was revealed that apparently Gabby had announced it earlier, so it wasn't really a surprise. The program was precious and when Gab had read her poem and was heading back to her seat, Bahley looked at her, mouthed the words "good job!" and gave her a thumbs up. It was really sweet. (If you saw them argue and fuss at each other, you'd appreciate the good times, too!)
This was Bahley's first school program and I thought their dad should be here watching this with us. I teared up, but I didn't cry. It's getting easier to hold the tears back. But I am feeling angrier.
What a great loss.
2 comments:
Hi Mary,
I hope you and your family are feeling a bit more comfort. Not to sound trite, but anger is very common when a loved-one has taken their life. Suicide has to be one of the most selfish acts one could ever do. Yet, it is my opinion that a sane person would never be able to do it. It's hard to imagine what a dark and lonely place a person must be in to even contemplate doing this sort of thing. I believe my brother would never have been "well" on this earth----there simply were not enough antidepressants or therapy to help him. As a strong believer in an after-life, I feel that is the only place my brother could get the help he desperately needed. I made my peace by deciding if I had to pass through some sorrow, I would gladly do it so my brother could finally find some peace. It took a while for me to get there though. You and your family continue to be in my prayers.
love,
melly
Thanks Melly. It is really hard to say how we feel at this point. The best word we can come up with is "sad". We still cry when we talk about it, and sometimes we have to talk about it. I have the feeling that coming to terms with this is going to take a long long time.
xoxo
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