Saturday, July 19, 2008

Moving On

I'm writing this blog in the hope that it will help me move on. I've survived Cushing's Disease, and now my husband and I are trying to survive another attack on our peaceful existence.

Recently we have had life-altering experiences. We moved out in the boonies where some of our friends have told us they wouldn't live if their lives depended on it. We've also both lost our jobs due to corporate restructuring. So we've had hours and hours to contemplate our lives, and stare into the woods, and listen to birds we've never heard before. In six months, our lives have totally changed. It's been difficult at times. We didn't worry about money in our old lives, but now we will probably have to learn to live on about half of what we were bringing in before. The thought "we worked too hard to lose everything!" keeps rolling through my mind. And then in the next hour I will think "if we lose all our stuff, we will still be ok, we have each other". It's a constant struggle between fear and faith.

Life is so funny. Funny peculiar sometimes, as well as funny ha-ha. We never thought we'd be in this position. We worked hard and we were dedicated to a company that apparently did not value our dedication.
He is stoic, having put 34 years into that place. But I am not stoic. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I waiver between anger and relief!

I've been wanting to move on ever since this happened. It's been 6 months now. I want to not care that they discarded us in such a cruel fashion. I want to meet their eyes and have them know that they did not ruin us. I want to be able to say "It was the best thing that ever happened to us." I feel that I am getting closer to that. The boonies are healing me, I think.